Is the approval of others really that important that we as humans, are often willing to hide some facet of us that we know won’t be readily accepted by others? Surely not!
Well...I’m not too sure about that.
These past few weeks I’ve underwent some huge changes and really started to show a side of me that’s not generally accepted by the people around me, but it’s who I am. I was sick and tired of acting as if this part of me didn’t exist. It was like every time I was around certain people I’d have to put a mask on or really censor my comments/actions/thoughts just so I’d be somewhat accepted.
The situation was making me quite miserable; being someone I’m not, and all the while, hiding part of the true me. It was like I was denying a part of me existed and covering it with something that was truely fake. It wasn’t until one of the regular blogs I read had a post on the exact same thing I had been struggling with, and then, on the same night, hearing Jessie J’s song “Who you are”, I came to the realisation I had to be true to the part of me I had been denying in public for so long. (please do excuse me for the vague details on what “it” actually is – not too sure I’m quite ready to broadcast it this publically YET...baby steps!!).
Generally speaking, I’m the kind of person who’s quite loud and outgoing. I’m never nervous to talk in front of a large crowd – I actually find it quite exciting and rather fun...yes, I know, strange! Not daunted by much (except spiders!!), so, why is it that it was so hard to “face the music” and live my life the way I want? Did I not want to be singled out for being “different”? Did I want to ensure people still liked me? Did I not want to risk disapproval?
According to Maslow’s ‘Heirarchy of needs’; social needs (including the need for belonging) are in the 3rd tier of the Pyramid of Needs, only above Physiological needs (food, shelter, water etc) and Security needs (steady employment, shelter from the environment, safety and security). Is it, that many places worldwide have successfully provided the lower 2 tiers to the vast majority of people (in most countries anyway) that this 3rd tier; Social needs (love, belonging and affection) are becoming ever so much more important? Are we focusing on this because our lower level needs are met? And more importantly, can we move on if our needs for full belonging and acceptance aren’t met? Will we ever arrive at the 5th and final tier of Maslow’s Heirarchy; ‘Self Actualisation’ without this need being met? Maybe, maybe not!
I often wonder, who’s really running our lives. Is it really us? Oscar Wilde once said “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation”. Is that true? Are we really in control of how we act, what we say and what we do? Do we really strive for acceptance and belonging?
Now, lovely blog people, please don't get me wrong; a sense of belonging and companionship and most of all, love are all very important in life. But, along with these; self-worth and that feeling of loving oneself are also vitally important. I'm generally willing to avoid certain conversations which may cause vast amounts of tension...but, when that tense topic is so close to home and such a part of oneself, should it still be on the "Lets-not-discuss-this List"? I think not!!
What's your thoughts? Do Maslow and Oscar Wilde have human nature all figured out? Would you avoid some conversations just to avoid the backlash; even if it meant ignoring a part of yourself?
Thanks for reading! It means the world! xx
We desire approval as it helps us to believe that what we do is important and therefore we will be remembered. We all fear being forgotten for what we do and who we are. We all search for some form of authenticity because everything around us seems so fake and we hope to find that authenticity in the approval of people around us and love.
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